Yes, Salvage Chick, There Really is a Santa Claus.

For a minute there last Sunday, I really believed that there wasn't. Or that he had skipped town early along with the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy and all my other dashed hopes and dreams. Why was I so disillusioned? I finally saw the inside of Yard Sale Buddy's House! Sometimes when my husband is channel surfing he'll flash by an episode of Sanford and Son and I'm like, "Stop! Stop!" so we watch for a while while I marvel at the junk all over the house commenting enviously "I bet that's what Yard Sale Buddy's house looks like inside." It's not like he's never invited me in, but I've always found a reason not to go in thinking I'M NOT WORTHY to see the Holy Grail of Junkdom. I knew he had one cat, but I figured there were about 18 more inside along with piles of newspapers dating back to the Nixon Administration, and other crazy treasures like a stuffed wooly mammoth and possibly a mummy sarcophagus or two. So on Sunday when I stopped to drop off his Christmas present (a sweatshirt that reads JUNKMASTER: Search and Rescue Team - how PERFECT is that?) he said OH, I have something for you, come on in... and without thinking twice I followed him in. To a seemingly NORMAL house! Oh... my... where were the twenty years worth of National Geographic magazines? And was that DAYLIGHT streaming in through the windows? Just when I was marveling he has a REAL LIVE PET BIRD in one of his famous birdcages, he pointed to the stove and said "There's my turkey I cooked this morning" WHAT? There it sat on the stove along with simmering pots of potatoes and vegetables and gravy. I thought he subsisted solely on Dunkin Donuts coffee... He Can COOK?!?!? Maybe there really IS no Santa Claus after all.

Storm Coverage brought to you by Meteorologist, Salvage Chick

That's going to be my tagline when I wrap up the weather on the Channel 5 News. Move over, Dick Albert! There's a new Cold Front in town and it's ME and my uncanny ability to predict snowfalls of large proportion. Never mind Doppler Radar and all those newfangled gadgets! I only need ONE THING to predict the weather: My Husband's Suitcase. When I see it out being packed for a business trip during the months of December through March, I know we are in for a landslide. Sure enough, Kenny is in New Jersey this week. And somehow, that long curving country driveway of ours has lost its allure right about now. I AM glad we haven't covered the pool yet, though... maybe I can get some Free Publicity for the shop by doing one of those Polar Bear Skinny Dips.

I Don't Care to Belong to Any Club That WOULDN'T Have Me For a Member.

Sorry, Groucho, I know you are rolling over in your grave. My Husband always warned me about this one town on the South Shore neighboring the one he grew up in (Score One for Marsh Vegas!) Today my Mom and I ventured into this tonier town to do some shopping - hit a really cute New Shoppe then stopped for a bite to eat at an upscale deli we'll call... D'Outrageous. Not the prices, the ATTITUDES. We stepped up to the counter, my Mom orders a sandwich, WHAT KIND OF BREAD? Ummm, Wheat. IS THIS FOR HERE OR TO GO? Umm, we would also like this other sandwich. WHAT KIND OF BREAD? Do you have Sourdough? (BIG SIGH... NO.) Starts reciting all the breads. Visions of Jerry Seinfeld's Soup Nazi start dancing in my head. REALLY pissed her off when I started browsing for sodas and chips before stating FOR HERE or TO GO. We sit down and eat, after arm-wrestling the Deli Nazi to get straws, and the food is delectable. Except they gave my Mom the HEEL of the wheat bread with the hard side turned into the sandwich trying to hide it; she likened it to chewing rawhide. All the while I could not get over the ATTITUDE. "Are we Unwashed?" I asked My Mom innocently. I tried to view us through these Holier Than Thou eyes. Granted, my fleece overcoat was plaid. That could be deemed offensive in some zipcodes. But, my purse was Coach and my Mom was toting a backpack which was Vera Bradley. And my 2001 Jeep was identical to 4 out of 5 cars in the parking lot so it couldn't have been THAT.
Before we ate we had plans to hit this cute looking gift shoppe in the same complex afterwards but by the time we finished I just wanted to get the heck out of Dodge. So we hightailed it up 3A until I did an abrupt 3 point turn saying "OH There's the XXXXXX Thrift Shop!" As soon as we walked in Katherine Hepburn's ugly little sister looked at us with a curled lip and said "We Close In FIVE Minutes." OK, we smiled, NO PROBLEM! And Beelined to the Bric-a-Brac area. WOW I found some great old Christmas ornaments all silver, in the box, snatched those up, excited to keep looking and... "LADIES I AM SHUTTING THE LIGHTS OFF". Are you KIDDING ME? My Mom bit her lip to keep from laughing when I asked the lady if the Attitude was a Prerequisite to live in the town or if it was something you got from the water. No wonder they call it SUCKSBURY!! When I got back in the Jeep it was still only 3:58.

Pembroke 5-0; Book 'Em, Danno!

All I can say is POOR YARD SALE BUDDY. He was doing some Clean-Out work for a lady in Pembroke and suddenly received a summons from the Pembroke Police to come down and visit the Station... Turns out the woman was missing $2300 in cash from a cupboard and convinced herself Yard Sale Buddy was the felon. So he went down to the precinct and sat there shaking in his boots while they informed him CSI was down at her house fingerprinting, was he SURE they wouldn't find his prints anywhere near the cupboard? And by the way, would he be willing to take a Lie Detector test? Yard Sale Buddy adamantly swore he was no where near the cupboard, while all I could think was "I'm SO SURE the Pembroke Police have all these investigative tools right at their fingertips... NOT." But he was really upset so I just listened with a sympathetic ear and was happy to learn that the police informed the woman they really had no grounds to prosecute Yard Sale Buddy, given the lack of evidence and his solid reputation. Then she admitted she 'remembered' that she had moved the money somewhere else and it really wasn't missing at all. To add insult to injury, she never even called YSB to apologize! Now while he was telling me this story, we were out in front of the shop putting together an artificial tree someone gave me; I was losing patience with his instructing me on how to fluff the branches. "No, look, you gotta SPREAD EM!! SPREAD EM!!" Finally I couldn't resist. "SPREAD EM?? Is that what the Pembroke Police asked you to do??" and dissolved into a fit of giggles. Thank God Yard Sale Buddy is a Good Sport.

"Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree..."

"I'm sorry I put you up in the garage storage loft and then filled the place with so much junk I'm scared to ask Kenny to get you down..."

Needless to say I am on a Serious Cleaning Mission!! Today after 2 trips to the Halifax Recycling Center I decided to gift Yard Sale Buddy with a few items. I have to be strategic when I do this so he does not feel like I just dumped a load of crap on him because his house is a lot closer than the Salvation Army dropoff. So I showed up with a bag full of pine garlands proclaiming "This is a present from your friend Rip-Off-Guy" (we won't talk about that ill-advised cleanout right now but mere mention of his name was enough to make Yard Sale Buddy start swearing.)

One of the guys who frequents Pembroke's only 24/7 Yard Sale was there too and he and Yard Sale Buddy looked on in amazement while I started winding the garland around one of these gigornimous wagon wheels; "When I am on TV you guys can share Remember When stories about me, this would be a good one..." They just exchanged a puzzled look and asked "When are you going to be on TV?" HELLO! When I am FAMOUS and they cancel This Old House AND Martha Stewart because I will be like both shows in one!! "Oh...right."



The other thing I brought with me was this knotty pine bench that is literally made out of a log split in half with the flat sides facing up; and wouldn't you know it, Yard Sale Buddy had that tacky bear statue at the ready to take up residence on it.

While I was there I snapped a photo of this crazy Santa and reindeer arrangement, I really have never met anyone as inventive with Yard Art as Yard Sale Buddy.


When it was time to leave I couldn't break my Cardinal Yard-Sale-Buddy-Yard Rule: When I Giveth, I also Taketh Away!! Check out this old water pump that is JUST The right color for the season... and get in EARLY this weekend, because this is sure to sell FAST!

The Key to Yard Sale Buddy's Heart

I finally found out why he's been Missing in Action. And if you haven't noticed, my Blog Material has been suffering miserably. Last time I checked on his whereabouts, he said he had been busy installing a toilet. All I could think to reply was "FOR THREE WEEKS?" So I decided he needed some space for whatever reason, like maybe he saw me standing with Mack in the lunch line or passing notes with Claudia in math class; he tends to be a little oversensitive.

Fast forward another week or two, Mack and I were killing time in the shop on a freezing cold Friday and I decided to call up Yard Sale Buddy and crank him up. He was full of piss and vinegar as they say and while I was giving him the 'Where ya been' business he suddenly retaliated. "I stopped by yesterday but you were closed; I was going to go in and check on things but I don't have a key." I sprang up out of my seat and screamed - no more like yelped - "THAT'S WHY YOU'RE MAD AT ME!?!?!?" Dead silence. Oh. My. God. Way back in SEPTEMBER I borrowed his key because I needed to go to my niece's birthday party and he was working at his real job, so Claudia watched the shop. And I forgot to make a copy and give him back one. Mind you, he never actually USES the key, I guess he just likes the prestige.

So after I found this out I had a new key made ASAP, and have been stalking YSB for the past 2 weeks trying to deliver it. I finally caught him today out front vacuuming his lawn, and made a grand ceremony out of bestowing the key upon him. He pretended it was no big deal, but I could tell all was suddenly right with the world. So much so, he said Wait Right Here I want to show you something and ran inside; then he came out a minute later wearing this giant tiger mascot head screaming LOOK WHAT I GOT, CAN YOU BELIEVE SOMEONE THREW THIS AWAY?? It was so funny I almost wet my pants. Of course, I had no camera... but he PROMISED he will model it again later this week for photos. Stay tuned for further adventures with Yard Sale Buddy, and remember: Please remain seated and keep your hands inside the ride at all times!!

Sconce de Leon

Wasn't he the famous explorer that discovered Bryantville? Last Sunday Mack from Never Open Antiques was over spying, I mean visiting, while I was rearranging my office area. I showed him my Reader's Choice Award that I finally got around to framing and I think he was a little jealous. We had already had the discussion about why his store didn't win, where I told him you have to actually have a NAME for folks to write in and nobody is really sure what his store is really called. Anyway, he leaned in close and said "Not to burst your bubble but..." and proceeded to tell me a story about a woman shopping in his store that day who had some unkind things to say about my prices. Now I only really have one button worth pushing when it comes to my shop and Boy did Mack pick the right one. I could tell he was goading me but I lost my cool anyway and let out a string of unutterables. Then he asked me "do you actually EAT with that mouth?" so I replied YES and I kiss my mother with it too and here's where it got ugly; I had been in the process of rearranging some wall sconces and one of them jumped right off the wall and flew at Mack's head. Honestly I wasn't even touching it at the time, it must have just sensed my irk. Poor Mack hightailed it out of there then who came in but Claudia; now I had to explain not only that it was her sconce globe that broke, but why I was so aggravated; it was more in the snide delivery than what he said. Claudia just looked at me with that patient look mothers reserve for their well-intentioned children who have maybe caught the kitchen on fire while trying to cook Mother's Day breakfast; what she should have said was "HELLO You run that guy up the flagpole on your Blog on a regular basis!!" Um, yeah, there is some truth in THAT. Apparently I can dish it out but I can't take it.

Mickey Moves to Pembroke

"M-I-C... See you've been evicted! K-E-Y... Why? Because it' MY garage!!"

Yard Sale Buddy and I were cleaning out my garage one day and there was this big huge wooden bin full of scrap lumber and shingles that had been sitting there since I bought the place in 2004. As he was tossing the lumber into his truck he reached in the bin at one point and came up with a handful of what looked like dryer lint. UH-OH, I said, that almost looks like a nest. "What? No, that's old, don't worry about it..." and just when I am about to say no, really, look at how that has been lovingly crafted out of scraps of all kinds of things, he lifted out this cardboard box and all of a sudden this mouse came catapulting out, flew straight through the air and landed in the bed of Yard Sale Buddy's truck. "LOOK!" he exclaimed as he set the box down outside and I could hear him counting all the way to TEN as the mice performed a mass exodus. Now mind you at this point I had my eyes squeezed shut and hands over my ears so I would not have to deal with Yard Sale Buddy pretending to throw vermin at me but I opened them long enough to see one wayward mouse who had made his way back into the garage only to keel over and literally DIE of FRIGHT. So I was feeling bad enough about being a homewrecker and mouse killer when later on that night Yard Sale Buddy phoned. "Guess what; I got all that lumber out of my truck and wouldn't you know after the last piece that mouse was still in my truck! He jumped out and ran across the street to my neighbor's." Oh great. One more thing to feel guilty about.

Guess Who's Not Coming to Dinner?

So Dice Ken called tonight to alert me that he will be home late because his boss is in town and taking him out to dinner. Then he said maybe we could hang out and have a couple of beers when he gets home. Now, normally it is MY arm twisting HIS but I think I was put off by his news since I had actually PLANNED a dinner so I said Yeah, well, we'll see; I have an early appointment tomorrow. "Early Appointment?" Yes I said I have a Buying Appointment tomorrow at 9. Now I can hear Mister Early-to-Bed-Early-to-Rise choking back laughter at the thought that "Early" and "9 AM" are synonymous in his wife's vocabulary but he bravely presses on. "A Buying Appointment? Like a private viewing of some stuff that is not available for sale to anyone else?" Yes. "Where exactly is this Buying Appointment?" Pembroke. Now he is full blown laughing, "Pembroke, you can't even tell me where in Pembroke? What do you think I'm going to call up Perez Hilton and tell him where your secret buying appointment is so he can blog about it and the Paparazzi can stalk you?" Maybe. (Actually, I just couldn't remember the street name... but it's good to keep him guessing.)

Wanted: Blog Material... and Drummer.

My husband saw me on my laptop just now and asked if I was Blogging. Here's where I admit I've been suffering not so much from Writer's Block, as a Lack of Yard Sale Buddy; I have no idea where he's been or what he's up to and my Blog Material has been really lacking lately! So my husband says, "why don't you write about my new wiffle ball pitches and how they call me Dice Ken because I'm unstoppable" Umm, yeah, there are some things I'd rather not advertise. "Well why don't you write about how my new Guns and Roses tribute band is practicing tomorrow but we are still looking for a drummer" Umm, yeah, there are some things I'd rather not advertise. "well why don't you write about how we went to All Seasons for dinner tonight and you insisted that old lady was staring at you because she recognized you from Salvage Chic but it turned out she was really looking at the Keno screen" Umm, yeah, I thought I would try to find you a Drummer and brag about your wiffle ball pitching!!

No Dumping - Police Take Notice

Or at least, Yard Sale Buddy does! Today he was ALL up in arms complaining that people have been dumping stuff in his yard while he's not home. "They are leaving JUNK, old lawn chairs, boxes of dishes, half the stuff broken..." My first thought was how did he distinguish this JUNK from the rest of the stuff in his yard but I could not get a word in edgewise as he continued "I even drove my truck across the street and waited so I could see who is doing it but finally gave up to go get a coffee and sure enough when I came back there was MORE JUNK you think they saw my truck and waited until I left?" At this point there were so many thoughts going through my mind I didn't know what to say: Oh my God you staked out your own house! How could they NOT see you 'hiding' in Hosea's parking lot in that huge blue truck all tricked out loudly idling twin tailpipes? Do you REALLY think it is just ONE person who keeps dropping stuff off, and do you really think that person would WAIT until you're not there instead of just stopping and saying "Hey Yard Sale Buddy I thought you might want this stuff for your YARD SALE?" Then he continued, "So, you think if I keep watching from across the street eventually I will catch this person?" Sure, I thought, either that or you will figure out who the second shooter on the grassy knoll was, you conspiracy theory whacko; luckily someone came into the shop just then so all I said was "Um, I'll have to call you back on that one."

Stall Tactics

Last Sunday I was working out logistics on delivering a chippy painted bench to one of my customers who lives right near the shop when who should pull into the parking lot but Claudia. Talk about impeccable timing, she offered to deliver the bench and drove off, with an added bonus offer for a tour of the woman's house (this lady has the coolest stuff). I went back into the shop and minutes later the phone rang. "It's Claudia. My van stalled, I'm around the corner right across from Never Open Antiques." Oh, I replied, did you run in and ask Mack for help? "No, but I'm pretty sure he saw me..." and just when I'm wondering how could he MISS a bright red and orange former rescue vehicle she added "he waved and then turned around and went into his shop." WHAT! Fast forward twenty minutes or so and Claudia pulled back into the parking lot coincidentally at the same time as MACK. I was busy hammering a backboard onto a hutch so I let them chat about the weather for a bit until I could no longer resist. "Um, Mack... did you not see Claudia's van stalled in front of your shop a few minutes ago?" and you know what he said? "No, I DID. I waved. It seemed like she had everything under control," all the while wearing this huge ear to ear grin. Claudia and I looked at each other and just shook our heads. You know that old saying 'Keep your friends close but keep your enemies closer'? Let's just say we are REALLY CLOSE to Mack.

Hit and Run

I was out in the parking lot with Claudia looking at some stuff in her van when suddenly we saw this guy scrambling at the curb juggling mini pumpkins and a plant stand. "Uh Oh..." said Claudia ominously and just as I was going to further investigate, the guy TOOK OFF RUNNING and hopped into his vehicle. Without even uprighting the chair he knocked over! By then I was out at the curb and he rolled down his window and yelled "Sorry I didn't see it". What didn't he see? That whole lineup of stuff on the SIDEWALK, roughly the size of I don't know, maybe 4 small children? Judging from the dent to his car this is not the first time he 'didn't see' something. I just looked at the guy so he repeated himself, SORRYIDIDNTSEEIT; "That's OK," I replied, "at least it was not a PERSON you didn't see" ...what I should have added was "You owe me 4 bucks for the pumpkin you jacka**".

Yard Sale Buddy's Greatest Hits

No I'm not talking about The Beatles, he actually got NEW music for his truck! Well, new OLD music but still something different. So I got to Cry Ninety Six Tears all morning on Friday while we Yard Saled. I passed the time honing my Yard Sale Buddy Repertoire, first him at HIS Yard Sale: "what about this, (insert rusted, broken or generally crappy item), people look for these to put on the side of their garages, you interested? I'll make you a package deal." Then him at OTHER PEOPLE'S Yard Sales: "What else you got? You got any pocket watches? How bout money clips?" Normally I ignore him and just kind of let him run on in the background, but that day we were at a Church Rummage Sale, you know the kind where the sweet little old ladies sit and sell clothing etc. for like ten cents a piece? Well after he paid for his items he said to the lady with the cash box "So what else you got?" I thought she was going to die of fright, she all but handed him the cash box thinking he was trying to rob her while he was craning his neck trying to get a look into the back room. Luckily I was able to swoop in and hustle him outta there before the other lady called the police. We back got to the truck just in time to cry another ninety six tears...

People Are Strange

Or maybe just rude and insensitive! This lady was in the shop on Thursday, she came around the back and asked "Is this Yours?" At first I thought she meant the old deli scale she was standing in front of but then I realized she meant the store; either way the answer was Yes. She said "You have some REALLY COOL stuff...Your Prices are Out of Sight." Now mind you I was busy saying Thanks after the cool stuff part so I missed whether she said AND or BUT in there but people are telling me all the time how reasonable my prices are and out of sight usually is a GOOD thing, right, like 'far out' or 'dyno-mite'? She was looking at me funny after I said Thanks so I qualified "Assuming you meant out of sight in a good way" and you know what she said?? "I didn't. I mean, you are charging double or triple what other places get for this stuff". I was dumbfounded. I wish I could have thought of something snappy or sassy to say like "well tell me where these other places are so I can go buy their stuff too" but I just stood there with my jaw hanging open and she goes "Cohasset Consignment?" with a question mark like "heard of it?" Sorry I hadn't but I hoped the door hit her on her arse on her way out to the parking lot. I mean really, does she know how how many "overpriced" $12 items I have to sell to even BREAK EVEN let alone all the TIME I spend trying to find "cool stuff" to sell?!? I bet she would REALLY HATE the prices at the shops of all the OTHER DEALERS who buy my stuff to resell because it's so REASONABLY PRICED. Of course I said none of this to her. I just sat there fuming, and then after she left Yard Sale Buddy came in and took one look at me vacuuming furiously - he knows I never vacuum - he said "What's wrong?" so I told him. By the end of the story I was totally crying. I felt like such a loser but good old Yard Sale Buddy pretended he didn't notice while I snivelled in the back room.

I don't know why I got so upset, I must have just been having a bad day. Even the next morning, when Yard Sale Buddy and I ran out of Friday Yard Sales to go to and he said "Well why don't we just go buy some sh*t at Cohasset Consignment and triple the price?" I laughed out loud.

Co-Dependency

Yard Sale Buddy's been M.I.A. so I called him up and learned his dumpster is finally getting picked up tomorrow and he's been feverishly trying to finish cleaning his yard. (YES it has taken a MONTH but that is another story.) He seemed to be having trouble focusing, he kept peppering me "What about those doors should I throw them away, what about those windows should I throw them away, what about those metal chairs..." it was all I could do not to reach through the phone and slap him. "I'll be there in a half hour don't throw ANYthing else away until I get there." He breathed a sigh of relief and said he would make a Dunkin run.

When I got there he wasn't back yet so I hopped out of my Jeep and - you guessed it - scaled the side of the dumpster to see what he had thrown in there. Oh man. All these great windows I have been selling one at a time in the shop for good money, he wasn't supposed to throw those away! Doors galore, I couldn't begin to count... Shoot, he was back, I ducked down and tried to look nonchalant as he yelled GET OUT OF THERE YOU DUMPSTER DIVER.

We strolled around the yard, I was really impressed with the progress he had made but then he held up these old hinges, the kind that snap a screen door shut, and said "I took these off that door before I threw it away..." WHAT! That vintage screen door! I wanted that for my house! "Oh, he says, well it's right on top" and next thing I know he's knee deep in debris in his dumpster trying to find it. Finally he saw it and started digging while I yelled "STOP, STOP, you're going to get hurt... but since you're in there, can you get those windows for me?"

Lions and Tigers and BUREAUS, Oh my...

Just in case they don't last the weekend I wanted to get a shot of these 3 beauties I bagged while I was out hunting this morning! I had a lead from a Realtor Friend that she had seen fresh bureau tracks at a house she sold that has to be vacated tomorrow, so I went over and snared the peach and green ones for a decent price. When it rains it pours, of course, as one of my Pickers showed up later with that chippy white one and of course I HAD to have it. So if you are in need of a bureau come in TODAY because I have plenty of bureaus but what I don't have is SPACE!! Duh maybe I should have thought of that before I bought them?

Spontaneous Combustion

That's exactly what I wished for when I made a grave faux pas on the phone today! I had just left a message for Yard Sale Buddy because someone was looking for old boxing gloves; as usual the phone rang back instantly, I swear he screens his calls. Anyway I answered "Good Morning, Salvage Chic" and I hear this "ahem, yes, my name is Shane and I'm with the Pembroke Fire Department..." I cut him off mid sentence "Oh right, and you're calling to tell me how HOT I am?" (Insert long awkward pause) "Um... no... actually I'm calling to tell you about our Comedy Night Fundraiser..." Oh my god it was so NOT Yard Sale Buddy!! Talk about embarrassing. Of course now I HAD to buy an ad in the program. And if you're not busy Nov. 1st, I have 4 tickets to the show...

Shoplifter's Remorse

Mack's Partner-In-Crime came over today with a lovely set of Lu-Ray dishes and a cryptic "you need to come see me" message referencing old linens. My curiosity was piqued and you can imagine my delight when Mack suddenly showed up volunteering to watch my shop so I could go over to N.O. and browse. Of course, you know me - ever the skeptic - luckily I had some radioactive dye packets to slip into the cash register in case he was planning a heist. Anyway I went over and got some lovely vintage tablecloths; while I was there I spotted this little quilt and when I went over to examine it was told "That's Mack's". As in "Hands Off." I didn't see a price so I just folded it over my arm and brought it back to Salvage Chic where I found Mack innocently reading an old Life Magazine. I tried to crank him up and say "Look what she gave me" with the quilt but he recognized it as his own and demanded to know what I wanted it for. I reminded him that I collect quilts and you know what he said? "Oh, it's for HOME... you can HAVE it... you're a good kid, despite what you write about me on the Internet" Oh man. I couldn't offend him and say No Thanks but now I have to go home and be reminded every time I look at it that Mack is a NICE GUY after all?!? NO THANKS!! Maybe I will bring it back. Would that be like an Indian TAKER? Worst case I could re-gift it to my Mom... oops wait she reads this Blog! I guess I am STUCK with it after all.

Which witch

was spotted out and about earlier this week wearing this disguise? Twas I, Salvage Chick! I had to protect my identity because I don't want people to know where I get all my stuff and more importantly... MACK has been blabbing to YARD SALE BUDDY about my every move as reported on this Blog! I know that Yard Sale Buddy is very sensitive, but I also know that he does not have a computer, so sometimes I write about things I wouldn't want him to know; I didn't realize my readers might RAT ME OUT! Just last Yard Sale Buddy got all up in arms that I went down the Cape to see the Man In the 10 Gallon Hat without him. I couldn't tell him I went there to try to buy that stupid fish sign for his BIRTHDAY so I changed the subject and said "What makes you think I went down there?" and he says "Mack told me". Oh Jesus. He must have passed him a note during seventh period math class, what are we TWELVE?!?

You Know Your House is Dirty When...

your Husband cleans it out of the blue... on his VACATION!! Yikes I knew things have been getting out of hand here, I kept saying I will deep-clean 'after the Yard Sale'... 'After the weekend at the shop'... Of course on my days off I find 1 million other things to do and usually only clean if all options (including root canal appointments) have been exhausted. Like for instance today, Yard Sale Buddy and I made a delivery to this Ritzy Shoppe Owner in Hanover who bought all THREE of my 20 gallon crocks plus a faux fireplace; then I went over to Claudia's to pick up this great bench with a pickety fence/birdhouse back we secured last night at an Undisclosed Location; turned out it wouldn't fit in my Jeep so she invited me to visit some MORE Undisclosed Locations with her and then delivered it to my shop. I must say in that Rally Wagon you do feel like an Antiquing Celebrity! I never thought there would be a vehicle that attracted more attention than Yard Sale Buddy's truck but sure enough Claudia's does. So anyway fast forward to my return home and I walk in, sniff-sniff... something seems different, I greeted Kenny and gingerly asked "Did you... clean?" YES he was all exuberant about it turned out he was relaxing playing his Xbox and he got distracted by what he thought was a 3rd cat hanging out in the corner (we only have 2) and it turned out it was a DUST BUNNY!

All's Fair in Love...

...and Birdhouses, apparently! Last week a friend brought me this fabulous marten house to sell at Salvage Chic. "No problem!" I said, "Let's put it out on the sidewalk, I bet it won't last the weekend!" Truer words have never been spoken. No sooner was it there than Yard Sale Buddy pulled up and started ogling it. I graciously suggested he could buy it from my friend, at the price of just the commission she would get if I sold it to a 3rd party... after all I don't need to make money off of my FRIENDS right? Insert SO-CALLED before friends there because later that night I got a message to "Please pull the marten house because it has been SOLD"... that's right, to YARD SALE BUDDY! Those two-timers went behind my back and wheeled and dealed!! The kicker is when I suggested Yard Sale Buddy buy it, I stipulated that after he fixed it up and resold it I would get a cut for brokering the initial deal... but even craftier was my FRIEND, who gave him a hugely sweetheart deal and then stipulated "But you can't resell it!" Hmph little does she know he would sell his own mother for a buck. I hope she put a Lojack in the thing to track it down after it's GONE for $1 more than he paid for it.

Why do I have this song in my head every time I leave Yard Sale Buddy's??

Paranoia Sets In

Sunday is always a good day in the shop because even if I don't sell much it means a visit from Mack and therefore, Excellent Blogging Material. Somehow he got wind of the folks who found my shop via a hop skip and a jump from Craigslist to My Favorite Place's website to mine and finally my Blog which drew them down to Bryantville to shop and of course they HAD to check out Never Open Antiques. Today he says all these new people are coming into his shop and when he offers them help they say "um, no thank you, just browsing", all the while casting sidelong glances at him and whispering "that's him that's the guy behind the coffee cup on the website who almost punched out Salvage Chick when she went to take pictures of his shop." I laughed it off and told him maybe he needs to ease up on the allergy meds as he is imagining things but I think maybe next Sunday I will offer folks 10% off their purchase if they agree to go over to N.O. and act squirrelly around Mack.

Now I'm off to finish plans to trick out my storefront for Halloween - HEY do you know any expert pumpkin carvers who could make me a Mack-O-Lantern?

Salvage Chick Stops Traffic

Quite literally, in fact! My Yard Sale Saturday was such a success the Halifax Police had to do a little crowd control and put up these signs all along one side of Route 106. My husband and I were a little nervous when the cruiser pulled up, especially me because I briefly thought maybe I was supposed to have pulled a yard sale permit... but the officer was very nice and even gave me extra signs to put up in advance should I have another yard sale. Which will not be anytime soon... talk about exhausting work. Exhausting, but rewarding! Now I have an empty garage and a nicely padded wallet, I'm going to FILL one while I EMPTY the other on my constant quest for fabulous things to sell at Salvage Chic! Thank You to all my customers who took the time to stop by the sale (at one point my Mom said 'Geez, you'd think you were the Mayor of Halifax, how do you KNOW all these people?') and also to Claudia for shopkeeping so I could hold the sale without closing, she sure missed some priceless Yard Saleing time herself!!

P.S. Please don't drop a dime about Slash's blatant disrepect for their signs thank god he is a Housecat or I would be bailing him out all the time on counts of being Drunk and Disorderly on Catnip.

Believe It... Or Not!

I've been getting tons of questions about this Blog and whether it is Fact or Fiction! Come on, you think I could make this stuff UP?!? And if I could, would I be sitting here in Pembroke peddling curbside treasures... instead off of having lunch with Oprah and Katie Couric while discussing my latest Blockbuster? Who do you think would play me in the movie? I'm thinking maybe a brunette Drew Barrymore but they would have to give her a messier haircut. Yard Sale Buddy... I don't know. Not too many actors have perfected the Boston Accent and I don't want it to look like I hang around with Cliff Clavin so maybe we could get Matt Damon to do it. On a side note some drunk chick once told my Husband "You'd look like Matt Damon... if you were good looking" so maybe Matt could play Kenny instead and we could just do "Starring Yard Sale Buddy... as himself." For Mack we definitely need the Joker from Batman or come to think of it any comic book villain would work as long as they are short.

This lady just came in to the shop gushing about how so-and-so told her to read my Blog and then she said "You have TOO MUCH TIME on your hands!!" I couldn't figure out if she meant the adventures themselves or the writing about it... either way she's probably right!

Who's your favorite character? Who do you want to know more about? What was your favorite story? and what can you NOT BELIEVE we actually did?

The One That Got Away

Yard Sale Buddy blew me off today! To his credit I think it was a pre-emptive strike against ME blowing HIM off since I'm feverishly preparing for my Yard Sale on Saturday and he thought I was going to back out on our plans. Honestly I WAS toying with that idea but then I decided it wouldn't be fair to Yard Sale Buddy, we had been planning this trip for a week; so I was feeling doubly jilted when 11 AM came and he was way the heck over in Brockton doing his own thing. "Hmph, I don't need HIM" I thought, and headed down to the Cape to see a man about a fish. Remember, it is 10-Gallon-Hat Man with the wooden fish sign priced at $300 holding firm against Yard Sale Buddy's $20 bid and wouldn't it be great if I could hook that sucker just in time for Yard Sale Buddy's October 13th Birthday?!?

I arrived at the appointed location and was disappointed to find that maybe 10 Gallon's season was over; his 3 container trucks of goodies were sealed up tight and another guy was loading miscellaneous stray items into his ancient low-riding Cadillac. "You looking for Stan, he'll be right back;" my Day brightened and soon enough there he was. "Hi Darlin'!" his usual greeting, coupled with a pseudo hug disguising a vain attempt to cop a feel. I cut right to the chase: "I'm here for the fish." Then we begin the usual long dance of What Fish - You Know What Fish - Ain't Nobody Here But Us Chickens - No, I KNOW THERE IS ALSO A FISH.

Finally he starts opening the first container truck and I pointed, No, it's down in that one where the Stuffed Badger thing is... "It's a FISHERCAT" he bellows as he starts opening Door #3 then he peers in and shakes his head No, moving on to the middle container. I stick my head in Yep, there it is, I start pointing excitedly toward the back and Stan gestures at me like go ahead in and get it. Suddenly alarm bells start ringing in my head, maybe I have seen Goodfellas too many times but it was JUST like that scene where Robert DeNiro invites Henry Hill's wife to the garment district to let her pick out stolen designer clothes, he's waving "Go ahead, Go ahead" and she realizes she is about to get whacked and hightails it outta there. As confident as I am that I could kick Stan's 76-year-old arse in the parking lot in broad daylight, I am not about to get locked into a container truck with him! So I said no sense dragging it out here til we agree on a price. "200" he says. WHAT! Give me a break; I did not drive all the way down here to be insulted. I put together a few items and offered him 100 for them plus the fish, he just kept saying 200 for the fish and he'd throw in the rest for free. Unfortunately there was not enough stuff to sweeten the pot and warrant me dropping 200 bucks but I did leave with a primitive hutch and a cool old sign that says "The Dusty Bronco, rides 10 cents." He wanted 50 dollars, I shook my head and handed him 30 bucks saying "Whatever. I'll be back next week."

Did He Ever Return?

"No he never returned
and his fate is still unlearn'd...
He will ride forever 'neath the streets of Boston
He's the man who never returned..."

well I bet Charlie would get his butt off the MTA in a hurry if he knew this sign was for sale at Salvage Chic! Mayor Menino tried to buy it from me to slap on the front of South Station but I was like Sorry Tom, Charlie has to come get this himself. I would be willing to meet him in the Halifax Commuter Rail parking lot, though, so if you see him please pass on the message.

The Mayor of Pembroke

Does Pembroke even have a Mayor? Do they need one? Either way I nominate Yard Sale Buddy! I always knew he was well-liked by his neighbors despite the state of his backyard, but yesterday my eyes opened up to a whole new level of his celebrity. I was taking a mid-morning break and he said "Do you want some Banana Cake, somebody dropped some off for me." No Thanks, I gotta get back to work... keep in mind the Dumpster was blocking my view of the street and the driveway, but all day long I heard people driving by calling out greetings, commenting on the Dumpster, exclaiming over the job he was doing on my Jeep, etc. Cut to mid-afternoon and I'm taking a much needed minute in the shade and he asks "Do you want some Raspberry Cake, somebody dropped some off for me." I thought it was Banana Bread? "No, that was earlier." Somehow throughout the course of the day a slew of tomatoes and also fresh eggs made it onto his porch. All those gorgeous plants and flowers in his front yard? Given to him in the Spring by random people who bought too many. I even watched the Enterprise News Delivery Guy get out of his van in 100 degree weather and WALK PAST Yard Sale Buddy to put the paper on his porch. Do you do that for EVERYONE? I exclaimed. "Oh NO, just him."

A Visit from the Enemy Camp

Mack finally showed up last night to retrieve those church benches, ONLY under threat of their imminent demise. (Remind me to call Yard Sale Buddy and tell him they will not be out on the curb tonight, after all - I think he was planning to pick them up.) So anyway Mack shows up unannounced and my Husband's all "the Red Sox just started, would you like a beer?" while I'm like, "can we get the show on the ROAD?" Of course, I did not have ample time to batten down the hatches before they got out to the backyard so Mack seized the opportunity to spy and comment on every little thing in my garage. "Oh, I see you took all the good stuff out of Yard Sale Buddy's Yard this week... nice bed, where'd you get that, was that from that cleanout... you know, all your garage needs is a little organization." I was reaching my boiling point; I take the so-called Good Stuff from Yard Sale Buddy's on SUNDAY NIGHTS after everyone has had ample time to buy it, mostly so it doesn't get rained on during the week; you know where I got that bed? At Nunya. As in None-ya-freaking-business where I got that bed; and as for the comments on my garage just needing a little organization... HAS HE SEEN HIS OWN SHOP?

Comments on the Heavyweight Cleanout Match

"Oh GOD... this is his YARD? I thought these were pictures of the Halifax Recycling Center"
"Look at all this sh*t."
"What is that, some weird kind of MOTOR?"
"Jeeeeeesus."
"Yard Sale Buddy is Out of Control."
"I can see why people think his Yard Sale is a bunch of junk."
"He must have a nice market for all of those sleds right now in AUGUST."
"How many ladders does one person need?"
"What's with all the screens?"
"Thank god you had a hardhat on."
"No wonder you are so filthy every time you come home from there."
"and I thought our GARAGE was bad."
"It was definitely time for an Intervention."

and Finally... "Only ONE Dumpster?!?!?" and "only THIRTY Days?!?!?"

and all those were from my HUSBAND! Can you believe he's never seen Yard Sale Buddy's yard in person, he doesn't know what he's missing.

So what do you have to say about Yard Sale Buddy's Yard? Keep those comments coming.

World Heavyweight Championship - Cleanout Division

In this corner... we have Salvage Chick, armed with a hardhat Yard Sale Buddy custom-made for her and a DUMPSTER, tasked with cleaning Yard Sale Buddy's YARD including a tent that has not been empty since the Reagan Administration.



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And in the other corner, we have Yard Sale Buddy, armed with an arsenal of secret weapons, tasked with cleaning Salvage Chick's 2001 Jeep that has not been clean since the year 2000.















The YARD... we'll let this speak for itself.


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The TENT... and more of the Yard. Salvage Chick really has her work cut out for her.





















The JEEP... doesn't seem so bad right about now. Why didn't Salvage Chick just take it to the car wash and save herself all this grief?

















12:30 PM. All bets are off for those who voted "they will both lose interest by noon and give up to go trashpicking".



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The Tent and Yard AFTER... doesn't look MUCH different except hey, is that the actual Back Wall of the tent? And the dumpster is only 1/4 full, Salvage Chick has been economizing space and packing it like she's paying for storage by the square foot, plus she's got neat piles of cardboard, metal and wood set aside for drop off at various recycling centers.





















The Jeep AFTER. Alright, Salvage Chick concedes. Yard Sale Buddy may have won the Battle, but she will win the WAR! She has this dumpster for 30 days or til the yard's clean, whichever comes first; our money is on the 30 days.















2:30 PM, Quitting Time. Yard Sale Buddy treats to ice cream and HEY! Somewhere along the line he snuck off and filled Salvage Chick's GAS TANK which is perpetually only 1/4 tank full. Guess her day was not wasted after all, that works out to what, $8 bucks an hour?

Tune In Tomorrow

For Live Coverage of Salvage Chick and Yard Sale Buddy's EXTREME MAKEOVER CHALLENGE! (Ok more like Before and After photos but wouldn't Live Coverage be cool?) Today is your Last Chance to Vote, who will be the winner? Yard Sale Buddy details Salvage Chick's Jeep while she (GASP!) CLEANS HIS YARD! As of right now 4 Votes are In and everyone seems to think it will be a draw and we will give up by noon to go Trash Picking. Come to think of it even I voted for that, but that was BEFORE I had my secret weapon... A DUMPSTER! Now this is not a Done Deal yet and it may be some form of Insider Trading for me to tell you this, but I was over there today working on my Game Plan and if I played my cards right, I convinced Yard Sale Buddy nothing can save his yard but this $475 investment. He was dialing the phone as I left so if Lady Luck and the Dumpster Gods are on my side, I'm a shoe-in to win!

Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

and hopefully so do Good No-Bark Electric Shock Collars. Yesterday I went to this yard sale 3 doors down from my house and introduced myself to the lady who just sold her house, she has been away traveling the country in her RV. She said "Oh yes, I've seen you walking by with your baby in the stroller." Ummmm, NO. But you've probably heard my dog... She was really nice, shaking her head saying "No, No, I just hear the dog next door sometimes." Ummmm, YES, that is actually my dog 3 doors down. I have heard her from the Stop & Shop parking lot way past here so I know you can hear her. While I was shopping we were chatting about how long it took the lady to sell her house and I was commenting how it's a shame no one wants Antique Houses, my next door neighbor and the one on the other side have been on the market for a while then I joked "maybe it's me" and you know what the lady said? "Actually... it's your DOG!" then she burst out laughing. She got me good for a minute though - but that's OK I scored some Awesome Vintage Christmas Ornaments from her!

Incognito

Yard Sale Buddy and I went down to that Estate Sale in Plympton today which I heard was quite a madhouse yesterday. I prefer to miss the choice finds and go late to maintain my sanity and well-being. We were able to browse in peace and I scored quite a few good finds; I thought the Dealer hosting the sale recognized me but it turns out he is old friends with Yard Sale Buddy so they were yukking it up while we checked out. The guy gave me a great deal on a lot of Shabby Chic frames and then he said to Yard Sale Buddy "these remind me of that Shabby Chick shop over in Bryantville near your house" HELLO I said, maybe it is ME reminding you of the shop because it is ME, SALVAGE CHICK! See, I told you this new haircut would come in handy for Undercover Operations.

After we left I wished we had more Friday Yard Sales to go to but Yard Sale Buddy said he checked and that was the only one. He has the worst eyesight so I grabbed the column and did a quick scan. "SEE, I knew you would miss one, look at this! Pembroke, Rte 14 Mattakeeset St across... from... Hosea's..." I was crestfallen. That is Yard Sale Buddy's House! Been there, done that.

I 'SHUTTER' to think...

...that some lady made her husband take these off their house and DISPOSE OF THEM!Luckily he had seen the Shutter Department outside the shop and thought maybe Salvage Chick could take them off of his hands. This is my favorite form of Recycling! Salvage Chic is not a Non-Profit Organization in the legal sense of the word but sometimes it darn near feels like one... Donations gratefully accepted!

Wheelin' and Dealin'

That is what my friend Claudia is planning to do with her newly acquired 1974 GMC Rally Wagon! She's tired of sitting in a shop and will be running Rally Wagon Antiques Rescue (which is perfect since this a former fire rescue vehicle). I'm envisioning her pulling the van into her dealer friends' parking lots (preferably mine!) with lots of goodies to sell on the fly. Be sure to say Hi when you see her coming (from a mile away! and no I'm not being snarky I am Wicked Jealous of this vehicle.)

Rude Awakening

The other day I was dropping off Yard Sale Buddy at his house after we visited our Hanover shop. This was a rare occurence because he almost always drives us around not only because he is obsessively proud of his truck but he is also a really nervous passenger. At least in my car. Just last week I was going 40 MPH on Route 106 and he was screaming SLOW DOWN THIS IS NOT THE INDY 500.

So anyway I pulled into his driveway and we were sitting there finishing the conversation we were having and suddenly Yard Sale Buddy's shoulders slumped and he said with total despair, "Look at My Yard". You have to read that with a waver in Ya-ard like he is about to cry. I started giggling. I'm sorry I just couldn't help it and anybody reading this who's seen Yard Sale Buddy's Yard is giggling too. I must have mumbled something like What About It or something because he went on and now he was stabbing his hands in the air "Look At It! Just Look At It!" acting like he left a Prize Rose Garden and came home to find goats eating it. I tried to tread lightly so as not to hurt his feelings so I took a deep breath and said "Well you do pride yourself on being the only 24/7 Yard Sale in Pembroke and it's not like all of this just showed up... while we were in HANOVER" and then dissolved into a fresh fit of giggles. "I mean, you must see this when YOU drive in here!" He's behaving like he's seeing his Yard Sale for the very first time and you know what his response was? "That's why I BACK in."

Salvage Chick Goes Global

So I was being a geek and Googled myself (come on, who HASN'T done that?) and this website comes up with the keywords "Meet Salvage Chick". Now I'm really curious so I open it up and pictures start popping up of this fabulous HUGE store in Canada. Over on the right there was a section "For those with a desire to see some Salvage Chic click these links", serious stuff like HGTV etc. and then one said "A great store in Maryland with a quirky attitude - meet Salvage Chick". My heart plummeted... there is a Salvage Chick in Maryland? With a quirky attitude? How Dare She? I have half a mind to go down there and kick her... wait a minute... (Click) it's linked to MY WEBSITE! How cool is THAT! Some shopowners all the way up in Canada found it and liked it so much they linked to it from their Very Popular website!

I wrote to them to thank them for the link and just in case they want to visit it is Massachusetts not Maryland... but I don't mind because I probably wouldn't have the foggiest notion what Canadian Postal abbreviations mean, ay?

Check it out: www.greenspotantiques.com

Just When I Thought I'd Seen Everything

Whenever I'm at a Yard Sale, Flea Market, Thrift Store etc. and score a particularly good find I get this total sense of panic that someone is going to scoop it up from under me before I can safely pay and/or get it securely into my car. So I was at that Yard Sale Friday with Yard Sale Buddy where I found those shutters and I was really edgy because even though the one primary lady holding the sale knew everything we were buying there were Vultures Everywhere and our stuff was spread all over the place. I was anxiously fending one guy off from looking through 2 separate piles of Tonka trucks we'd set aside when I hear someone inquire "How much for this metal horse?" and the seller lady says "Oh that's his (as in Yard Sale Buddy); He bought that whole box." He DID? News to me. Next thing you know the Inquirer Of the Horse is asking Yard Sale Buddy how much he wants for it and then she starts pawing through the box so I'm standing there trying to load 23 shutters into Yard Sale Buddy's truck while simultaneously fending off Tonka Guy with a pair of mannequin feet and balancing a bird cage on my head. And I look around like Where The Heck is Yard Sale Buddy and he TOTALLY appears to be having his own Yard Sale, at someone ELSE'S Yard Sale! Now I really HAVE seen everything.

To give Yard Sale Buddy credit he really knew it was not kosher to be reselling things at someone else's Yard Sale, especially when he had not paid for them yet. So he gave the horse to the lady for nothing but when she started digging for more stuff I hear him saying "No, Sorry, those are for my friend over there she collects them." Huh? "Ahem, yes Salvage Chick, don't you want these for your dining room, you collect them?" I just wanted to get out of there so I looked over at whatever the stuff was and said "No" and Yard Sale Buddy's saying "Yes, you collect these remember, in your dining room?" (WINK WINK) Dawn breaks on my marble head "OH, yes, my DINING ROOM, I do collect those, sorry I thought you meant my... other dining room".

No wonder people think we're crazy.

I felt like the Karate Kid

or better yet the Yard Sale Kid! They say every mentor's proudest moment is when they recognize that their student has surpassed them in the very subject they have been sought to teach. Since I've been studying under the tutelage of Yard Sale Buddy I've started challenging myself at Yard Sales asking "What would Yard Sale Buddy find that I am missing?" Today we stopped at a Yard Sale and there was really good stuff at very decent prices; we kept going around and around adding to our pile and just when Yard Sale Buddy was reaching for his wallet to pay I said "WAIT! What about those shutters, are they for sale?" He looked over to where I was pointing behind the Yard Sale Goods; there was a big blue tarpaulin covering stuff not for sale and it was weighted down with these great old green shutters. The woman said Sure, then she quoted a price which I thought was for ONE shutter and it turned out to be for ALL of them which was TWENTY-THREE total and let me tell you, Yard Sale Buddy's face lit up like a Christmas Tree and he just patted me on the back and shook his head in awe saying "Beat at my own game!"

Today's Million Dollar Question

What do you suppose my Husband is going to say when he sees Our Garage?!?!

Last week he was joking around about putting duct tape down the middle, reserving half for Salvage Chick's junk and half for his normal garage stuff like the lawn mower, yard tools etc. He even graciously offered "you can leave the dining table & chairs on my side in case I need to have an impromptu dinner party." Poor guy. Just yesterday he was so pleased to see me voluntarily cleaning it out, he was overheard saying "oh THERE's the riding mower" as he joyously reunited with it like an old friend. Little did he know I was secretly preparing for NEW ARRIVALS. I feel like such a sneak. Maybe he will not notice...

Mission: Impossible

So much for keeping a Secret Mission SECRET, since the World's Most Alert Watchdog alerted the whole neighborhood, 3 surrounding towns and the media that SOMETHING is lurking in Salvage Chick's Backyard! To think before she joined C.S.I. Halifax her Obsessive Compulsive Disorder was wasted on menial things like letting me know someone refilled the gas grill tank and left it 3 inches to the right of where it usually resides. Lassie had nothing on Izzy; I mean I GUESS it's pretty smart to alert your owners when someone has fallen down a well but isn't it equally important to let them know when someone parks a U-Haul full of Serial Killers in the driveway? Or just a U-Haul... that I was hoping my Husband wouldn't notice. Yard Sale Buddy dropped it off in preparation for our Heist tomorrow so STAY TUNED... and don't even think about tailing us! We actually have several U-Hauls we will be using as decoy diversions so you'll just be wasting your time. And that Sleeping Watchdog only APPEARS to be passed out with U-Haul Induced Exhaustion.