Thursday, January 24, 2008

Colonel Mustard in the Ballroom with a Candlestick?

Actually it was Yard Sale Buddy in the Shop's Back Room with a Lead Pipe! And the victim was me, Salvage Chick! We arrived at the shop today with a fresh bounty of finds that were desperately in need of cleaning. "Tell you what," I said, "If you fix my sink I'll clean EVERYTHING." He looked relieved and drove off to get supplies; little did he know what was in store for him. A month or so ago my Husband took the little wall sink out of the back room for me and attempted to install this utility sink I bought. Well of course you know the pipes were in the wrong places and the fittings were all wrong and there was MY JUNK everywhere in a room too small in the first place... in a desperate attempt to salvage my marriage to Kenny I finally told him to forget the sink install.
Anyway back to today, a few hours later I returned from some errands to find Claudia sitting at the desk surrounded by bin upon bin of plumbing supplies, rolling her eyes at Yard Sale Buddy in the back room. Time flies when you're NOT having fun because suddenly it was FOUR HOURS later, and the sink was finally installed! What happened in between? All sorts of things including me and Yard Sale Buddy jammed in the back room in practically compromising positions; me holding the sink while he managed to whack me THREE TIMES in the same knee with the channel locks; me telling him I didn't think the 'Knee Reflex Test' was working but I might kick him in the face anyway... somehow we emerged as friends. Saint Yard Sale Buddy never lost his cool and to top it off said "Cleaning all this, taking pictures and listing it online and then shipping it... I feel bad you are doing all the work." I laughed out loud "Yeah well DON'T, you just spent six hours under my sink, and I sure didn't feel bad you were doing all the work!" Not to mention what he spends on buying Dunkin Donuts Tea for me...

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Tom Jones comes to Pembroke!!

It's not unusual to be offered junk by anyone
It's not unusual to look at stuff for sale by anyone
but when we find a score like we did earlier this week
It's not unusual to see us buyin',

You guessed it, Yard Sale Buddy got a new CD! I entertained myself while we rode around town today belting out impromptu lyrics. Normally only my dog gets to hear me sing but Yard Sale Buddy didn't seem to mind that I sound like Smurfette on crack. "You really like this song, huh?" he asked and I just shrugged - "I'm just glad I don't have to cry 96 tears anymore!"

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Where's my Doggone...

Doggone What, you ask? No, I mean where's my DOG GONE!?! That is what I said to myself after Yard Sale Buddy left my house earlier. We were fresh from a new Clean Out and among all the hordes of cool stuff were these two old soda fountain dispensers I desperately wanted for my kitchen. I asked him what he wanted for his half and he graciously said I could have them, that sooner or later we would come across something he wanted to keep and it would be a wash. Well I didn't know 'Sooner or Later' meant RIGHT THEN and the something in question was Duff! Luckily even the rumble of those twin chrome tailpipes was drowned out by the desperate bays of the coonhound and I was able to rescue him in the driveway.

**no dogs were harmed in the making of this Blog! Yard Sale Buddy would not really steal my dog although I did tell him this morning "You'd sell your own mother for five bucks..." His response? "I'd have to get at least TEN."

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Chairman of the Bored

So Mack is back in the States and came in today all up in arms because he got a call from the Pembroke Zoning Board insisting he cease and desist with use of a Sale sign on the sidewalk that is not under permit and various other charges of infraction. I was only half listening as I was trying to chip the last 1/2 inch of wax out of a bunch of Mason jar candles I burned in the shop when he said something about reading on my Blog about how Yard Sale Buddy leaves me all these crazy messages disguising his voice. OH! I said; I did get a message from some guy on the Zoning Board complaining about the brass bed in the parking lot but I assumed it was HIM! pointing to Yard Sale Buddy. And I looked from Yard Sale Buddy to Mack and back thinking "Holy Sh*t that was REALLY a call from the Town?" and suddenly got an awful case of the giggles; I must say Yard Sale Buddy has the best darn Poker Face I ever saw but I do recall him asking for Mack's phone number a few weeks ago... and he stood there like "You're kidding me! The Zoning Board, huh? Well that Sale sign obstructs pedestrian traffic. And that brass bed was certainly an EYESORE." By now I was trying so hard not to laugh I stood there chipping furiously away at the wax and finally turned toward the trash can so they would not see me wiping tears from my eyes. "Don't you have Caller ID?" I asked Mack and he said Yes but it read Private Caller. Well I highly doubt the town of Pembroke has an unlisted number.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

While the Cat is Away

The Mouse will steal stuff he gave her to sell for him! The cat being Mack, who is off on a sunny vacation, and the mouse being ME, Salvage Chick, who decided this Frostie Root Beer sign would look even cooler in my kitchen than it did in the Shop! Doesn't it? Let's see if he notices it's missing... and if he thinks it's a fair commission for offloading, I mean selling, his 8 Wedgwood Christmas plates and 3 vintage hats. TODAY! While he was not only Never Open but also Out of the Country. I think it's a Fair Trade, don't you?

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

"Lay Lady, Lay...

Lay across my BIG BRASS BED..." Look what I found in front of the shop today! Do you think someone is trying to tell me something? Don't they know I am a happily married woman?!? Maybe they just think I am a huge Bob Dylan fan?

The funny thing is I know who did this. One of my Picker guys who sells me stuff pulled into the parking lot Sunday and rolled down his window asking "Can you use a brass bed frame?" I gave him a resounding NO but said if it was something that could be scrapped, Yard Sale Buddy would probably take it. He rolled his eyes and said "I can scrap it if no one wants it... Do you think the guy around the corner would want it?" Oh, Mack? At Never Open Antiques? Sure, he LOVES stuff like that! I smiled and sent the guy on his way. Well I guess Mack did not want it and NEITHER DID THE SCRAP YARD so he 'gifted' it to me. THANKS BUT NO THANKS!Free Bed while it lasts, or until Billy Kidd evicts me for polluting the parking lot, whichever comes first!

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Directory Assistance

The shop phone rang this morning and it was a woman looking for a coffee table which, unfortunately, I had none of available for sale. Now before I go on with this story let me remind you that more than half of the phone calls I get are actually Yard Sale Buddy disguising his voice and asking for some obscure item. Sometimes there are like 3 messages left overnight in all different voices rambling on and on about how "evidently I will have to go to WalMart and get a spatula and some salt and pepper shakers and some other items that I need since you are not open." I've had to be extra careful on the phone since I mistook that Pembroke Firefighter for Yard Sale Buddy and asked him 'are you calling to tell me how HOT I am?".
So back to the present story, I told the lady I had no coffee tables and she said "Tell me, what is the name of the shop around the corner from you?" Ummm... (insert pause) well... (my brain wants to scream 'you mean NEVER OPEN ANTIQUES?' but there is no way Yard Sale Buddy can do a woman's voice this well!) do I put this delicately... "I don't really think they have a name." And I knew where this was going. "FINE" she said, "if you could just give me their phone number." Ummm... well... I don't think they have one of those either. "OH FOR GOD'S SAKE!" she exclaimed. My sentiments exactly!

Thursday, January 3, 2008

The Devil is in the Details

or rather, the Detail GLOVES. Yard Sale Buddy showed up today excitedly showing off these Day-Glo Yellow mittens. I laughed hysterically as he bragged about how his policeman friend gave them to him, how they are especially made for cops to wear during cold winter Details; I almost wet my pants as he ran around he shop swinging his arms like he was waving planes in at Logan. And then I tried them on. DANG, they are warm! I was jealous.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

The New Kid in Town

"Johnny-come-lately, the new kid in town...
Everybody's Talkin', about my NEW HOUND!"

Meet DUFF, a 10-week old Treeing-Walker-Coonhound mix we adopted last week! I found him Christmas Night on (there may have been some alcohol involved) and emailed his picture to my husband who's been DYING for a puppy (there may have been more than some alcohol involved...) well the next morning before I could ask "Did you get the e-..." my inbox was flooded "When do we pick him up?"; "I spoke to the woman, she sent me these additional photos"; "I filled out the application"; "We have an appointment to see him at 5:00". GULP. I guess we are getting a puppy.

Needless to say it was love at first sight for all parties involved. And as luck would have it, Kenny drove home, so I got to hold the puppy on my lap and bond with him first. "Oooh, he's so cute... he's such a momma's boy... look how he follows me around... look how he struggles to get up in the chair with me until I help him up..." HEY and look how he won't stop humping my arm or chewing at everything in sight! Somehow he brought to mind that sock puppet from the commercials, remember that thing? Hence his new nickname, and the quote of the week: "GET OFF ME, YOU HORNY SOCK PUPPET!!"