Friday, July 27, 2007

Christmas in July

Twas 5 months before Christmas, when all through Salvage Chic
Not a Sale was stirring, not many all week;
The Pyrex was stacked in the Fridge Display with care,
In hopes that some Kitchen Junkies soon would be there;
The Raggedy dolls were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of ringing cash registers danced in their heads;
And Salvage Chick without AC, disgustlingly broke,
Had just settled down for a cold Diet Coke,
When out in the parking lot there arose such a clatter,
she sprang from her desk to see what was the matter.
Away to the window she flew like a flash,
was someone coming in to spend some Cold Cash?
When, what to her wondering eyes should appear,
But a big blue sleigh, minus the reindeer,
With a friendly old driver, his clothes slightly muddy,
she knew in a moment it was Yard Sale Buddy.
More rapid than eagles his presents they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Barbie! now, Skipper! now, Midge and now Ken! On, Snoopy! on, Woodstock! and all your Brethren!
To Salvage Chick's Shop! to her eBay Store!
Now, sell away! sell away! and then sell for Some More!"
And she heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
"Now where is my #!@*%! Coffee?" (Did she hear that right?)

Back to list of Complete Texts

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Endangered Species List

You can count Yard Sale Buddy of Pembroke among the company of spotted owls and giant pandas on the Endangered Species List because Salvage Chick is going to kill him!* Before we met with the PR guy on Monday to discuss our upcoming Publicity Stunt I asked what is this guy's name? Yard Sale Buddy says So-and-So; yeah, I know his LAST name is So-and-So since he runs So-and-So Enterprises, what is his first name? Yard Sale Buddy says "Dick." We actually had this exact exchange two days in a row and Yard Sale Buddy has known this guy forever and said it with such conviction, why would I doubt him?

Fast forward to today, I'm picking up my voice mail messages. I skipped over the lady trying to sell me a polka-dotted Sears ironing board to listen to later and then (Beep) "Hi it's Evan So-and-So of So-and-So Enterprises, still waiting on that logo image you were going to..." Oh Shoot! I forgot to email that to him on Monday; I'll have to... WAIT A MINUTE, what did he... (rewind) "Hi it's Evan So-and-So" OH MY GOD. Of all the wrong names Yard Sale Buddy could have given me to call a guy, he's gotta use DICK? What happened to TOM or HARRY? My mind starts feverishly reviewing our meeting and hoping he didn't get too insulted by my peppering the conversation with comments like "Good point, Dick. What a great yard sale story, Dick. I bet that fish wished he never met you, Dick." and then when the meeting was over I reached out, gave him a big strong businesslike handshake and said "Thanks... DICK!"

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Pennies From Heaven

Actually, Dollars From Hanover! Remember that ottoman I blogged about in June, when I took it to Elegant Reruns to consign and worried I looked like a junkie trying to fence stolen goods? Well I got a Surprise Check in the mail today for $64.50! As my dad would say, 'it's better than a stick in the eye...'
The funny thing is Yard Sale Buddy and I drove by that Shoppe just yesterday and I mentioned that was where I took The Ottoman to consign. I believe his exact words were "Yeah, good luck with THAT." After he was done laughing at me. Hmph, I will laugh all the way to the bank at HIM!!

Monday, July 23, 2007

The Domino Effect

Yard Sale Buddy and I were up and about EARLY this morning for a breakfast meeting with our new PR guy to discuss an upcoming Publicity Stunt. (I can't divulge any details other than pretty soon 22,000 people will be hearing about Salvage Chic!! If I told you more, I'd have to kill you.) We were trying to be low-key about this outing but the paparazzi in Pembroke were stalking Yard Sale Buddy's Chevy ruthlessly so we put some Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes mannequins in there to distract them and slipped off unnoticed in my Jeep.

After the meeting we learned that our plans for the day buying at an Undisclosed Location were potentially rained out, so we decided to tackle some minor revisions in the shop. Did I say Minor? Well, I may have stretched the truth a little to get Yard Sale Buddy to agree, you know how rearranging goes... "let's try This over There and then That would look Better up Front if only This wasn't In the Way, it's not really a Load Bearing Wall is it???" 5 hours into the job we decided to break for the day but we will be back at it Bright and Early tomorrow with PAINT BRUSHES in hand!! Stay tuned for a Brand New Look when the shop opens back up on Thursday...

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Greetings From Salvage Chic!

Doesn't this look like a great vacation spot? Yard Sale Buddy and I were hard at work all morning redecorating the storefront with a nautical theme. I had been regretting selling the bench I had out there so he brought me those spiffy Adirondack Chairs from his Yard Sale. Then as we were hanging buoys he mentioned that it seemed like we had a lot more of them the other day so I had to admit I took half of them up to My Favorite Place in Hanover to sell in my booth! Which didn't go over too well so I bet him 10 bucks we already sold one and ran in to check the Sales Website. Grrr no go but I have until the end of the day right? Come to think of it if I am selling them for $15 I can just give him $7.50 and then I get to keep a buoy... and he'll actually be out $2.50 because he'll owe me the 10 back! But I can't do that to Yard Sale Buddy; Mack I would definitely do that to. Speaking of Mack, we were lounging in the Adirondack Chairs sipping our Dunkin and I wondered out loud what do you think Mack is doing right now? "Oh, he's probably up a ladder sweating his arse off... I know! Take a picture of me, and send it to him like a Postcard from Salvage Chic! Wish You Were Here."

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

House Rules

Yard Sale Buddy made a new rule today: we MUST have the camera with us at all times. I wished I had it today because I got an awesome jelly cabinet for the shop! The perils of antiquing alone; no one at the Undisclosed Location I got it at was willing to help me get it into my Jeep and of course it was not dark enough for me to shine my Bat Light in the sky and have Yard Sale Buddy come rescue me. Finally this kind soul offered to help me and I didn't want to insult him by offering him money even though he looked like he could use it so I said "Are you hungry? I just came from the bakery." His eyes lit up and he said Yes he had missed lunch so I grabbed the bag and offered him the choice of a blueberry muffin or a cream cheese brownie.

POP QUIZ: Which was for me and which was for my Husband? And which did the guy choose?

Scroll Down for the Answer....

Kenny really liked the muffin.

Monday, July 16, 2007

When the Cat is Away...

The Mice will make a Nest out of Buoys in his garage! How cool are these?

Most wives would complain when their husband goes away on a golf trip during his vacation week, but Salvage Chick is a very supportive and loving wife. "Oh Honey, you should go for THREE days, not TWO! You deserve it..." She may have ulterior motives.

Hopefully she will have all this stuff SOLD by the time he gets back and he will think she just spent her days floating in the pool slurping Blue Slush Puppies. We should send her to a spray-on tanning salon so he is not tipped off by the Farmer's Tan; you can't exactly Dumpster Dive in a bathing suit.

Maiden Voyage of the SS Salvage Chic

Yard Sale Buddy showed up bright and early this morning with his new trailer to pick me up for our foray down to Falmouth. OY I should have remembered this last night when my vacationing Husband and I decided to celebrate it being Sunday and drink our weight in Harpoon India Pale Ale. Luckily Yard Sale Buddy is new enough at maneuvering the trailer he wasted ample time trying to turn it around out back and then needed miscellaneous supplies and of course the dog always needs tending to so I was able to escape into the house a few times and consume vast quantities of water. By the time he had loaded everything up I was feeling almost human and ready to go.

We made it down to Bourne with no real problems and I was so excited pointing out all the antique shops to Yard Sale Buddy I forgot he didn't know where he was going and misdirected him away from the Bridge instead of over it and suddenly we were on the highway heading Away From The Cape. Did I mention he really did not want to take the trailer on the highway? No problem we will just take the next exit... there should be one coming up soon... I cringed when the sign said "Entering Plymouth" and Yard Sale Buddy muttered something about reminding him to kill me later.

Finally after another trip down Route 28 (Deja Vu all over again!) we were merging onto the ramp to the bridge and WOW that traffic was coming fast and OH NO it was a funeral! Yard Sale Buddy slammed on his brakes just missing the guardrail and all I could picture was me and a trailerful of Salvage Chic stuff plummeting over the Bridge. That would be Free Advertising I DON'T need. Plus I really don't think the Don't-Interrupt-a-Funeral-Procession Rule applies to the highway but I was not about to get into that discussion with him.

OK If you've read this far you're beyong wondering What Is the Point Here? Well my new favorite customer Pat's shop is really a gem! It is called Walk In Closet located on Rte 28 in Falmouth just across from the Dairy Queen. Right now she sells predominantly Clothes but she is branching into Home Decor and she really has a flair for display. Unlike some shops I know (ha, mine) it was nice and bright and uncluttered and everything was so clean I couldn't help drinking in the Coach and Vera Bradley eye candy while Poor Yard Sale Buddy moved in all the furniture. I bought a retro cake carrier that just BELONGS in my shop and a gorgeous king comforter and shams that my dog will probably ruin but the price was AMAZING and then after I paid I saw this awesome framed needlepoint of a Pug I had to have. I was so excited I took a picture of it on my lap while we were driving home.

Speaking of driving home, we stopped short at an Undisclosed Location hosting a Monday Yard Sale and acquired TONS of cool stuff for the shop, I think the trailer was fuller on the way back than when we left!

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Transformers! More Than Meets the Eye...

Since it's Sunday, I've been axiously awaiting Mack's arrival to see what ugly item he might pull off the shelf at Never Open Antiques to make us rich on eBay. My eyes lit up when I saw him shuffle in with this item, even though it's plastic it's from 1984 and probably HOT right now due to the release of the new Transformers movie. After he went off to fetch some Dunkin I started researching; I know with lunchboxes condition is EVERYTHING so I started going over it with a fine tooth comb. HALT! Fine tooth comb not needed because there GLARING me in the face is the remnants of a Sharpie signature and what does it say but "Devin Never-Open". Oh my god! I know Never-Open is a common last name so maybe this is a coincidence, right? Nope. Back comes Mack with my iced tea and I casually ask "is your son's name Devin?" he gets this huge grin on his face and says YES, why, he doesn't need this lunch box. Hmph I guess Mack doesn't care his son is going to have to be a Brown Bag loser next school year.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Salvage Chick Snoozes and Loses

I get so used to being buddies with Yard Sale Buddy I totally take for granted that anything I have my eye on in his yard is fair game for other dealers... he's got to make a living, right? Well I was over at the Hexagon House today and spotted this shabby yellow pot perfect for planting in - hey that looks familiar OH MY GOSH that is the one I keep forgetting to take with me when I leave Yard Sale Buddy's!! Stolen from under my very nose by Booth 10 - I know who you are!! I will have to act faster next time.

So I decided to have some fun with this and called up Yard Sale Buddy and accused him of selling My Pot to another dealer. He was like WHAT? yellow pot... YOU took that. That is his standard answer whenever anything goes missing from my Watch List. "What? (insert item)... YOU took that." Of course then it backfired because he thought I was really upset and I had to spend a half an hour calming him down.

Did I mention the Hexagon House just got AC! And there are lots of great things over there this week... hands off the Hoosier Cabinet though, I want it.

Thursday, July 12, 2007


Salvage Chick almost met her Maker today. Yard Sale Buddy pulled up to the shop, jumped out of the Chevy Land Shark and handed me an ice cold cup of Dunkin Iced Tea. After pressing the nice cool frosty dripping cup to my forehead I took a huge thirst quenching slurp and - Oh NO! - it was Iced COFFEE!! Ahhhhhhhhhh, I'm shrinking, I'm melting, much like the Wicked Witch when you throw water on her... luckily Yard Sale Buddy happened to have a Bee Sting Kit he found at a Clean Out and shot me up with adrenaline or I might have died.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

It Pays to be Not Open!!

Look what I sold for Mr. Never Open today. Come to think of it, I was Not Even Open!! Yard Sale Buddy was helping me rearrange when a woman phoned to say she wanted some items she saw on Sunday. Well Come on Down we said and Boy did she go on a spree. Of course she undid all the rearranging plans I had toiled over by purchasing so many items, but that is not a bad thing! Plus Yard Sale Buddy and I get to take a trip to Falmouth next week to deliver it all, not a bad deal. She has a consignment shop down there, I will have to ask if it is OK to put in a plug for her!!

WANTED: Salvage Chick

Oh My Gosh! There really is a Wanted Picture of me on the wall over at the Jordan Fitness Center; I thought my Husband was kidding. I told him if I actually went there I wouldn't be able to write off the gym membership as a Charitable Donation but he said since it is a Joint Membership that was illegal anyway. Oops.

So yesterday when Mr. Yoga and Cottage Cheese announced he was off to the gym I knocked his socks off by saying wait for me I'm going with you. He raised an eyebrow and said "I'll be at LEAST an hour" like he knows I am going to skip home after 10 minutes on the treadmill and be licking Cheeto dust off my fingers by the time he gets home. Hmph. Well I was on there a lot longer than him just to show him up but all I could think was my poor dog was home watching CSI Miami without me. Then he put me through this little weight lifting routine which I pretended was taxing since I didn't want to be too sore today... I mean he really has no IDEA how much furniture I sling around in the shop, I really have awesome abs as a result, he should be glad I hide them under this little layer of fat to keep other guys from noticing me.

Will Salvage Chick keep up her fitness routine or is this just a passing lark? Vegas is laying odds right now so place your bets!!

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Yard Sale Buddy Gets Some Tail

TailGATE, I mean, TailGATE...

Yard Sale Buddy asked me if I could "send a message to Mack via the Internet". (Um, yeah, sure... or you could just tell him yourself next weekend...) "This can't wait! Tell him I said THANK YOU for buying that piece of crap jelly cabinet that smelled like rat p*ss, I laughed all the way to the Auto Parts store to buy my new replacement tailgate with HIS money."

Don't shoot the messenger! As much as I enjoy busting Mack's chops, I actually LIKED that pantry and was a little envious when I saw it in his truck. But then Yard Sale Buddy offered me his lawn jockey in exchange for posting the message so I said What the Heck. I'll leave it in Yard Sale Buddy's yard though so Mack can keep trying in vain to buy it.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Speaking of Creating Monsters...

Salvage Chick is officially addicted to Craigslist! What a great way to get rid of the junk - I mean, sell the fine antique unique vintage goods - cluttering my garage. This morning I listed that painted dining set from Sanford & Son, the butcher block table, and Mack's #!@*$ church pews. I even threw on a couple of items from the shop, talk about Free Advertising. I should probably see how we do before I go Totally Hogwild huh. If you're interested in any of these items, ask for the "I Read Salvage Chick's Blog" Discount!

PS that ugly chickens on a fountain carnival glass thing has SEVEN 'Watchers'already! As in 'waiting to bid at the last minute'...

Sunday, July 8, 2007

I Created a Monster

I paid off Mr. Never Open for his Jadeite auction today and must have accidentally said something like I would like to do business with him again (I gotta keep the door open in case I want to go filch more of his stuff, right?) Well later on he came skipping over with this piece and after I retched he told me the name of the pattern so I looked it up. Hmmm it looks like we may have a winner here! As much as I'm against selling stuff in the shop that's 'Not My Thing' I have no qualms about hawking them anonymously online to help pay the bills. I will have to be nice to Mack now because I think the real name of his shop is House of Glass and he is probably sitting on a goldmine... plus I will admit I haven't the foggiest on the Depression/Carnival/Vaseline hierarchy, just that they are all part of the Glass Kingdom I try to avoid!

Watch this Auction end next Sunday, it should be fun!!

Saturday, July 7, 2007

I feel so VIOLATED!!

OK, I can understand that if you had an antique stolen from your property it would make sense to ask around at antique shops to see if they had somehow acquired the item. People drive up and sell me stuff all the time and if I buy something from someone who's not a 'Regular' I'm sure to note their license plate for this very reason.

But really, 3 people from the same family have asked me about one item this weekend. You'd think they'd make a list and divvy it up to save themselves some time. What really bugs me about the whole thing is each one has come in kind of like "oh, you're finally open when I drove by, been meaning to check you out... you know what I'm looking for? One of those um, uh (wagging fingers in the air), you know, BLAH BLAH BLAHs!" No need for the act, just ask me if I have one!! By the 3rd person I was so tempted to act like there was a secret code word that was going to let her into the room where I keep the Fenced Goods.... "Did Vinnie send you?"

I swear if a 4th person comes in I'm just going to say "I did, but I sold it this morning."

Friday, July 6, 2007

Rain, Rain, GO AWAY!

I'm trying to have a SIDEWALK SALE for God's sake. Grrr...

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Special Delivery

Whenever Yard Sale Buddy calls me after I say Hello he just yells "Yeah, where ARE you? What are you DOING?" It never fails to make me think Shoot, was I supposed to be meeting him somewhere? So yesterday while my brain was scrambling I said calmly "I am at my house" and it was "Well good for once you're where I need you to be!" Minutes later he pulled up with this awesome old butcher block, one of two we procured from an Undisclosed Location this week!

Keep Your Enemies Close...

...and their Jadeite even CLOSER!! Remember those two little spice canisters I nipped from Never Open Antiques a week ago Sunday? Well I put them up on eBay and they SOLD for $245.00!!! The jerk in me wants to just give Mack the $12 he was asking for each of them but in the interest of being neighborly I will split the proceeds with him. After all... you never know what other gems he may be sitting on over there at N.O!!!