Friday, June 27, 2008

A Day Late and A DOLL Short...

Last Sunday Mack from Never Open Antiques around the corner stopped by for his weekly visit and while I was busy pretending to be happy to see him I spied this vintage Saucy Walker Doll in his truck bed, complete with the box. WHAT'S THIS? I asked delightedly and he said "Oh, just something I picked up at a Yard Sale..." We agreed I would do some research on it so I scampered into the shop with the doll, which I discovered should sell for upwards of $200 on eBay and promptly listed for sale via auction.

The next day being my day off I was in the Halifax library and my cell phone rang. I will admit I saw the new sign on the door "PLEASE TURN CELL PHONES OFF BEFORE ENTERING" but thought No One Calls My Cell Phone Ever so forgot all about it until there I was perusing the stacks and the thing started ringing like a banshee. Oh God. I dug through my purse trying to silence it while people looked at me like I was Charles Manson, finally! I found it and turned it off.

Once in the parking lot I turned it back on and sure enough I had a message. "Hi Salvage Chick, it's Mack." Just when I was thinking How Nice to Hear From My Long Lost Cousin Mack he continued "From Never Open Antiques." SIGH. THAT Mack. "I need you to end that auction for the doll, it's a long story... but my wife wants it."

I called him back and let him know I got his message and would end the auction when I got home. The story was quite touching, turns out his wife had been given a similar doll by her grandmother but it had been lost in her youth during a family move. "Thanks a lot", Mack said, "Be sure to take something for your trouble." OUT OF WHAT? I almost said; but then remembered I traded an item of his to get my shop bathroom painted and he wouldn't take any money. "No Problem, Mack; that's what Friends are for." Or more appropriately Frien-emies. But you guys know we really like each other, right??

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Red Rover, Red Rover...

Send Me a Land Rover! The other week I got this email invoice from eBay congratulating me on my winning bid for a 2001 Land Rover, to the tune of $5700. My first thought was There Must Be Some Mistake; I did not bid on a Land Rover... Then my mind recalled an incident a few days earlier when I went to check my email and found my laptop had all these funny windows open. I asked my Husband if he had been using my laptop and he was suspiciously defensive. Or maybe I was just paranoid (because I have all these exciting emails between me & Claudia to hide... NOT) then he continued "you might want to ask a certain double-pawed Feline who has a penchant for sleeping on keyboards if he knows anything." Sh*t. Fast forward to me receiving the Land Rover invoice and make that Double Sh*t. Some cats get stoned on catnip and run around chasing imaginary mice, mine orders Land Rovers. Luckily and do I mean LUCKILY I took a second look at the invoice and saw it was sent to my eBay user ID with a slight misspelling in the name. So I forwarded it to eBay security and sure enough, it was a fake. Needless to say I learned my lesson and now lock my laptop up tighter than Fort Knox when it is unattended.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Tom Sawyer's Got Nothing on Me

Yeah, I know he famously talked a bunch of unsuspecting characters into whitewashing his Aunt Polly's fence but that was FICTION and this is FACT... I, Salvage Chick, managed to swindle a long-time client into repainting the Shop's Bathroom, A.K.A. Powder Room Antiques. It happened quite by accident on Monday, I had cleared the room and spackled the holes and a few hours later stopped over at Yard Sale Buddy's to grab a piece of sandpaper to finish the prep work. I was showing him some treasures I had stashed in the back of my Jeep when who should pull up but this guy who had been ogling the sleigh runners out in front of the shop which belonged to Mack of Never Open Antiques. He started right in, "I like them but I can't touch them for that price." Well the price was $45 so I offered him half off and it still was too much (did I mention he's really cheap?) so I took a look at him all paint-spattered on his way home from work and a thought occured to me... "Why don't you just paint my bathroom in exchange for the sleigh runners?" He seemed interested and sort of agreed in a non-committal way, like, sure, when do you want to do that? "Right Now." NOW? "Yes, the offer expires today." TODAY? Just when I was wondering if I was not speaking English the deal was sealed and it was agreed Yard Sale Buddy would make a Dunkin' run, I would run and sand the spackle, and this guy (we'll call him Sherwin Williams) would run home and tell his wife he was gonna be late. There was one point where I wondered if I shouldn't be trading Mack's sleigh runners without consulting him but both guys advised me to just tell Mack they had been stolen from in front of the shop, if he even remembered they were there in the first place.
Finally we were all assembled in the shop and Yard Sale Buddy & I settled down with our beverages like paint-watching was a spectator sport. Sherwin immediately demanded painter's tape "Tape!" exclaimed Yard Sale Buddy; "I thought you were a Professional" Umm, let's not confuse Professional with People Who Happen to Paint For a Living. So he went to his car and came back with Blue Tape and proceeded to tape the Powder Room within an inch of its life. Then he shut the door and started painting. Now, I could understand he had to shut the door to paint behind it... but Why Is He Painting The Whole Room with the Door Shut? I whispered to Yard Sale Buddy. Before he could reply the door flung open and Sherwin exclaimed "WHO Ordered the Paint?" Yard Sale Buddy & I looked at each other all askance. ORDERED the paint? Who does he think we are? People who PAY for stuff? Jesus. This was just some paint I happened upon. Sherwin was adamant that there was not going to be enough paint, HELLO I gave him a whole quart for like a 3' by 5' room but apparently these "Professionals" like to slather it on. NEVER MIND, he exclaimed, I'll stretch it, and SLAM back to work he went behind closed doors. Then he demanded a stepstool and Yard Sale Buddy told him to stand on the toilet at which point I thought it would be a good idea to ask "Are you bonded?" No, he replied just while he was on his employer's clock and then 1 hour before and 1 hour after he left the jobsite. TICK TICK I looked nervously at the clock "Well you better start painting faster!" He kept emerging with these ridiculous questions: WHO is going to cut the corners? "YOU!" ME? "Yes, no cuttie no sleigh runnerie." OH For God's Sake (SLAM!). Finally he was Done. He came out and showed me his work and then patted me on the arm like a Doctor who had just given me sutures and said "You can take the tape off tomorrow." Hmph well I obeyed his orders and waited til the next day to take the tape off, but half the wall paint came with it. I guess you get what you pay for... or rather, what MACK paid for, LOL. I guess it doesn't look too bad after all.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Can You Dig It?

I can dig it, You can dig it,
She can dig it, We can dig it,
They can dig it, You can dig it,
Can you Diiiiiiiiig it?

Duff can REALLY Dig It. Or more appropriately, Dig Them. Them being the mineholes that have suddenly cropped up all over my backyard. I stumbled upon this one (quite literally!) the other night when I went out to check on the dogs without turning the light on. I let out a yelp as a sharp pain shot through my ankle which was twisting at an unnatural angle. All I could think of before my face hit the mulch was "I can't believe I am going to have to go to the hospital because I fell in a hole my dog dug and I haven't even been drinking; I am going to look like SUCH A LOSER." Luckily Kenny had heard my cry for help so he rushed outside as soon as there was a break in the Red Sox game. By then I was gingerly "Walking It Off" as my dad was wont to instruct us to do with all but the most fatal of injuries. Kenny very chivalrously filled in the hole and gave Duff a brief scolding; no sooner had he gone back inside than that #!@$*! Coonhound was at it again. I went in and told Kenny we should probably try to give Duff more exercise so he stops digging out of boredom. "Do you still have your old Nintendo? I think he would really like that game Dig Dug." No, it turned out, he didn't have it anymore; plus he thought maybe we should let Duff keep going: "After all, It's like he has a TREASURE MAP... maybe this will really pay off!"

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Cutting Corners

No, I'm not talking about scrimping to make ends meet, I'm talking about PAINTING, what I finally got around to doing today. I've been planning on repainting the shop for a month now, and thanks to the May Clearance sale and my Big Yard Sale, there was finally room to get started. Now if I could only stop procrastinating... I'm quite a whiz with the roller but I HATE the edge work. I don't have the patience for it and normally tape off edges within an inch of their lives to avoid mistakes. My Husband, on the other hand, LOVES to cut the corners. This is the man I nicknamed Picasso because of the loving care he takes spreading cream cheese on his bagel, while I'm like EAT IT ALREADY! You should see how neat and clean he paints edges with the patience of a saint. Unfortunately, unlike me he has a 'Real' job so he was unavailable to assist. And Yard Sale Buddy, if he Cuts Corners in the painting sense like he does in the monetary (I don't think he's EVER bought anything NEW!), would probably be an ace at it too. But he was equally unavailable today. He told me he had to work, so I stopped by his place of employment with a coffee (There I go, PROCRASTINATING again) only to find out he WAS NOT THERE. I called him up and he said "Ummm... no... that's TOMORROW I have to work." Hmph. Guess he just did not feel like painting.

Finally I sucked it up and got to work. Five hours later, the shop had a whole new look! Well, actually just the front green room. And it's the same color, so it's really not that new. But very FRESH looking! Of course I forgot my camera, so you'll have to stop in this week and see for yourself.