I Don't Care to Belong to Any Club That WOULDN'T Have Me For a Member.

Sorry, Groucho, I know you are rolling over in your grave. My Husband always warned me about this one town on the South Shore neighboring the one he grew up in (Score One for Marsh Vegas!) Today my Mom and I ventured into this tonier town to do some shopping - hit a really cute New Shoppe then stopped for a bite to eat at an upscale deli we'll call... D'Outrageous. Not the prices, the ATTITUDES. We stepped up to the counter, my Mom orders a sandwich, WHAT KIND OF BREAD? Ummm, Wheat. IS THIS FOR HERE OR TO GO? Umm, we would also like this other sandwich. WHAT KIND OF BREAD? Do you have Sourdough? (BIG SIGH... NO.) Starts reciting all the breads. Visions of Jerry Seinfeld's Soup Nazi start dancing in my head. REALLY pissed her off when I started browsing for sodas and chips before stating FOR HERE or TO GO. We sit down and eat, after arm-wrestling the Deli Nazi to get straws, and the food is delectable. Except they gave my Mom the HEEL of the wheat bread with the hard side turned into the sandwich trying to hide it; she likened it to chewing rawhide. All the while I could not get over the ATTITUDE. "Are we Unwashed?" I asked My Mom innocently. I tried to view us through these Holier Than Thou eyes. Granted, my fleece overcoat was plaid. That could be deemed offensive in some zipcodes. But, my purse was Coach and my Mom was toting a backpack which was Vera Bradley. And my 2001 Jeep was identical to 4 out of 5 cars in the parking lot so it couldn't have been THAT.
Before we ate we had plans to hit this cute looking gift shoppe in the same complex afterwards but by the time we finished I just wanted to get the heck out of Dodge. So we hightailed it up 3A until I did an abrupt 3 point turn saying "OH There's the XXXXXX Thrift Shop!" As soon as we walked in Katherine Hepburn's ugly little sister looked at us with a curled lip and said "We Close In FIVE Minutes." OK, we smiled, NO PROBLEM! And Beelined to the Bric-a-Brac area. WOW I found some great old Christmas ornaments all silver, in the box, snatched those up, excited to keep looking and... "LADIES I AM SHUTTING THE LIGHTS OFF". Are you KIDDING ME? My Mom bit her lip to keep from laughing when I asked the lady if the Attitude was a Prerequisite to live in the town or if it was something you got from the water. No wonder they call it SUCKSBURY!! When I got back in the Jeep it was still only 3:58.