Wanted: Blog Material... and Drummer.

My husband saw me on my laptop just now and asked if I was Blogging. Here's where I admit I've been suffering not so much from Writer's Block, as a Lack of Yard Sale Buddy; I have no idea where he's been or what he's up to and my Blog Material has been really lacking lately! So my husband says, "why don't you write about my new wiffle ball pitches and how they call me Dice Ken because I'm unstoppable" Umm, yeah, there are some things I'd rather not advertise. "Well why don't you write about how my new Guns and Roses tribute band is practicing tomorrow but we are still looking for a drummer" Umm, yeah, there are some things I'd rather not advertise. "well why don't you write about how we went to All Seasons for dinner tonight and you insisted that old lady was staring at you because she recognized you from Salvage Chic but it turned out she was really looking at the Keno screen" Umm, yeah, I thought I would try to find you a Drummer and brag about your wiffle ball pitching!!

No Dumping - Police Take Notice

Or at least, Yard Sale Buddy does! Today he was ALL up in arms complaining that people have been dumping stuff in his yard while he's not home. "They are leaving JUNK, old lawn chairs, boxes of dishes, half the stuff broken..." My first thought was how did he distinguish this JUNK from the rest of the stuff in his yard but I could not get a word in edgewise as he continued "I even drove my truck across the street and waited so I could see who is doing it but finally gave up to go get a coffee and sure enough when I came back there was MORE JUNK you think they saw my truck and waited until I left?" At this point there were so many thoughts going through my mind I didn't know what to say: Oh my God you staked out your own house! How could they NOT see you 'hiding' in Hosea's parking lot in that huge blue truck all tricked out loudly idling twin tailpipes? Do you REALLY think it is just ONE person who keeps dropping stuff off, and do you really think that person would WAIT until you're not there instead of just stopping and saying "Hey Yard Sale Buddy I thought you might want this stuff for your YARD SALE?" Then he continued, "So, you think if I keep watching from across the street eventually I will catch this person?" Sure, I thought, either that or you will figure out who the second shooter on the grassy knoll was, you conspiracy theory whacko; luckily someone came into the shop just then so all I said was "Um, I'll have to call you back on that one."

Stall Tactics

Last Sunday I was working out logistics on delivering a chippy painted bench to one of my customers who lives right near the shop when who should pull into the parking lot but Claudia. Talk about impeccable timing, she offered to deliver the bench and drove off, with an added bonus offer for a tour of the woman's house (this lady has the coolest stuff). I went back into the shop and minutes later the phone rang. "It's Claudia. My van stalled, I'm around the corner right across from Never Open Antiques." Oh, I replied, did you run in and ask Mack for help? "No, but I'm pretty sure he saw me..." and just when I'm wondering how could he MISS a bright red and orange former rescue vehicle she added "he waved and then turned around and went into his shop." WHAT! Fast forward twenty minutes or so and Claudia pulled back into the parking lot coincidentally at the same time as MACK. I was busy hammering a backboard onto a hutch so I let them chat about the weather for a bit until I could no longer resist. "Um, Mack... did you not see Claudia's van stalled in front of your shop a few minutes ago?" and you know what he said? "No, I DID. I waved. It seemed like she had everything under control," all the while wearing this huge ear to ear grin. Claudia and I looked at each other and just shook our heads. You know that old saying 'Keep your friends close but keep your enemies closer'? Let's just say we are REALLY CLOSE to Mack.

Hit and Run

I was out in the parking lot with Claudia looking at some stuff in her van when suddenly we saw this guy scrambling at the curb juggling mini pumpkins and a plant stand. "Uh Oh..." said Claudia ominously and just as I was going to further investigate, the guy TOOK OFF RUNNING and hopped into his vehicle. Without even uprighting the chair he knocked over! By then I was out at the curb and he rolled down his window and yelled "Sorry I didn't see it". What didn't he see? That whole lineup of stuff on the SIDEWALK, roughly the size of I don't know, maybe 4 small children? Judging from the dent to his car this is not the first time he 'didn't see' something. I just looked at the guy so he repeated himself, SORRYIDIDNTSEEIT; "That's OK," I replied, "at least it was not a PERSON you didn't see" ...what I should have added was "You owe me 4 bucks for the pumpkin you jacka**".

Yard Sale Buddy's Greatest Hits

No I'm not talking about The Beatles, he actually got NEW music for his truck! Well, new OLD music but still something different. So I got to Cry Ninety Six Tears all morning on Friday while we Yard Saled. I passed the time honing my Yard Sale Buddy Repertoire, first him at HIS Yard Sale: "what about this, (insert rusted, broken or generally crappy item), people look for these to put on the side of their garages, you interested? I'll make you a package deal." Then him at OTHER PEOPLE'S Yard Sales: "What else you got? You got any pocket watches? How bout money clips?" Normally I ignore him and just kind of let him run on in the background, but that day we were at a Church Rummage Sale, you know the kind where the sweet little old ladies sit and sell clothing etc. for like ten cents a piece? Well after he paid for his items he said to the lady with the cash box "So what else you got?" I thought she was going to die of fright, she all but handed him the cash box thinking he was trying to rob her while he was craning his neck trying to get a look into the back room. Luckily I was able to swoop in and hustle him outta there before the other lady called the police. We back got to the truck just in time to cry another ninety six tears...

People Are Strange

Or maybe just rude and insensitive! This lady was in the shop on Thursday, she came around the back and asked "Is this Yours?" At first I thought she meant the old deli scale she was standing in front of but then I realized she meant the store; either way the answer was Yes. She said "You have some REALLY COOL stuff...Your Prices are Out of Sight." Now mind you I was busy saying Thanks after the cool stuff part so I missed whether she said AND or BUT in there but people are telling me all the time how reasonable my prices are and out of sight usually is a GOOD thing, right, like 'far out' or 'dyno-mite'? She was looking at me funny after I said Thanks so I qualified "Assuming you meant out of sight in a good way" and you know what she said?? "I didn't. I mean, you are charging double or triple what other places get for this stuff". I was dumbfounded. I wish I could have thought of something snappy or sassy to say like "well tell me where these other places are so I can go buy their stuff too" but I just stood there with my jaw hanging open and she goes "Cohasset Consignment?" with a question mark like "heard of it?" Sorry I hadn't but I hoped the door hit her on her arse on her way out to the parking lot. I mean really, does she know how how many "overpriced" $12 items I have to sell to even BREAK EVEN let alone all the TIME I spend trying to find "cool stuff" to sell?!? I bet she would REALLY HATE the prices at the shops of all the OTHER DEALERS who buy my stuff to resell because it's so REASONABLY PRICED. Of course I said none of this to her. I just sat there fuming, and then after she left Yard Sale Buddy came in and took one look at me vacuuming furiously - he knows I never vacuum - he said "What's wrong?" so I told him. By the end of the story I was totally crying. I felt like such a loser but good old Yard Sale Buddy pretended he didn't notice while I snivelled in the back room.

I don't know why I got so upset, I must have just been having a bad day. Even the next morning, when Yard Sale Buddy and I ran out of Friday Yard Sales to go to and he said "Well why don't we just go buy some sh*t at Cohasset Consignment and triple the price?" I laughed out loud.